Why Rules Are Important to Adolescents

By its very nature, adolescence is a difficult stage of life. It is about being in-between childhood and adulthood; in-between dependency and autonomy; and in-between childhood notions of self and a fully realized adult sense of self. Adolescents understandably experience a great deal of "normal" anxiety about who they are, how will they take care of themselves, and what their future will be. This anxiety tends to make adolescents more vulnerable to acting out impulsively. If an adolescent also has experienced any type of traumatic event, this increases their anxiety. Growing up in violent neighborhoods, experiencing the death of a loved one, or having their parents get divorced also increases their anxiety. The more anxiety a young person experiences, the more likely they are to act out their impulses.

Because of their anxiety and the "in-between" nature of their lives, adolescents crave consistent structure (rules, routines and guidance). They will rarely ask for it directly. They may not appreciate it. And, they may even fight with parents about the rules. However, we have come to understand that consistent structure (rules, routines and guidance) actually decreases the anxiety that adolescents feel. When parents are willing to set consistent limits on their behaviors and even choices, they know their parents are willing to help take care of them; they know internally that they are capable of keeping them safe.

What happens when parents not consistent about household rules and expectations? This creates what is called intermittent reinforcement. This means that there is no discernable pattern to where and when the rules will be enforced or who will enforce them. The already impulsive young person will see that they can quite often get away with breaking the rules at least some of the time. And since they won't quite know when or if they will be enforced, they are more willing to give in to their impulses and take a chance. This also increases their anxiety, which in turn increases their impulsiveness. Over time, intermittent reinforcement can increase the overall feeling of anxiety for young people and make them more likely to act out, break rules, give attitude and even feel unsafe at times.

Consider this: Every time you turn on the water faucet in your kitchen, the water comes on. This matches an action (turning on the faucet) with a positive reinforcement or reward (the water comes on). And because this happens every time you turn it on, you begin to take it for granted that water will come out. This is where parents need to be with their young people. If a young person knows by experience that every time they beak a rule they will be called on it, most of them will stop crossing the line. This has the general effect of decreasing their anxiety, and thereby decreasing their impulsive acting out. Over time they tend to internalize this routine "structure" and can control themselves in other environments like in school or at work. This is the hidden gift that consistent enforcement of the rules provides young people.

© 2003 Ken Voorhees